-Hugs and kisses from Jim
-Hearing Angel's heartbeat for the first time (April 30, 2009)
-Pictures from Jim of our pets being silly or cute
-My daily 4pm text from Jim that says "MINUTES", reminding me that it's less than an hour till I get off work (or the "YAY" with a bunch of exclamation points that I get back when I text him "MINUTES")
-The dogs meeting me at the door when I get home from work
-New shoes
-Turning down our street to go home
-Listening to classic rock in the car at top volume while singing along just as loudly
-Sakana's contented meows when she gets comfy on the bed with us in the evenings
-The quiet contentment of the morning when I wake up and Jim, the dogs and cat are all asleep and everyone is happy
-Good coffee
-Good wine
-A delicious dinner
-A busy day at work
-A good book
-Clean sheet night
-New contacts day
-When Jim calls me "Beautiful" as a nickname
-A low electric and/or gas bill
-The smell of freshly mowed grass
-Laughing till you cry
-Feeling adored
-Hugs from my niece and nephew
-Getting packages in the mail
-Knowing how blessed we are to be able to pay all of our bills
-Seeing our second baby for the first time and hearing his/her heartbeat and knowing that this child is growing and healthy and safe for now.
domingo, 27 de junio de 2010
domingo, 20 de junio de 2010
On Fathers
Happy Father's Day to Jim, my wonderful husband, and the best man I could ask for to be the dad of my wonderful, beautiful baby girl! I know that she must be so proud to have been your daughter when she looks down upon us.
Happy Father's Day to David, the best dad I could ever have dreamed of, the man who taught me how to reach my goals, how to love, what a man should be like, how to change a tire, great work ethic, the value of a bad joke, and so much more. You are a wonderful, wonderful father, and I am so proud to be your daughter!
Happy Father's Day to Bob, the man who makes my mom happier than I've seen her in my whole life.
Happy Father's Day to Joe, the man who gave my husband his analytical mind, who makes him laugh, who encourages him to reach for his dreams and who helps him along the way. I'm so glad he loves you so much, because I do, too!
Happy Father's Day to Terry, the man who raised my husband, taught him what it means to be a man, instilled in him a love for the outdoors and sports, helped him find Christ, and helps to make him strive to be strong.
Happy Father's Day to Papa, the most loving and toughest man I know, the only grandfather with whom I've ever had a relationship, a man who has been proud of me for my whole life, and who loved my mom when she didn't have parents. Thank you for helping me find Christ and for loving my Nanny so very much for her whole life. You helped me to see what a loving and wonderful marriage should look like.
Happy Father's Day to Larry, who took my husband under his wing, gave him a place to stay before we got married, made me a part of your family, and has been a consistent part of our lives. I'm so honored to know you, sarcasm and all!
Today has been a tough day. There was a baby dedication at church, the first that I've been able to sit through. As I looked at the beautiful boy who was being dedicated, knowing our Angel would have been just a month younger than he, I realized that the further we get in the year, the closer to Angel's would-have-been, should-have-been age the children will get. It was tough. I cried silently the whole time. Jim shed a few tears of his own. My wonderful friend, Vera, gave me a big hug and said simply, "It sucks." She acknowledged that it probably won't get easier, even though she wished she could tell us it would. I told her it still hasn't gotten easier, it's just gotten different and that's all we can expect.
Today, on Father's Day, I want to celebrate the father of my child, my own father, and the love that they have both taught me. The men listed above mean so much to my life. They are my husband, my dad, my step-dad, my father-in-law, Jim's step-dad, my grandfather, and a man who has been a guide and strong male figure for much of Jim's life, from adolescence on. It's because of these men that I have faith in parenthood, I have love in my life, I have a wonderful husband and I have hope for my future, and for any sons we may someday raise. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that these men will be a wonderful influence throughout my life and in the lives of my children. All of them loved Angel and mourned her with us.
I was always a daddy's girl, and I called my dad "Daddy" into adulthood. My dad was always a rock in my life, a stronghold, someone I knew without any hesitation would be there for me every step of the day. When I had to make the call from Japan to tell him that Angel had died, it was tortuous to hear the sadness in his voice, to hear the immediate tears. When my grandma, his mom, told me how devastated he was by the news, that he showed up at her house with tears streaming down his face, I was so sad for him. But never did he take our grief and make it about him; he was simply supportive. He was willing to fly to Japan, or to help pay for my sister to get there as soon as possible. He was ready to get Jim and me on a plane home as soon as he could. He was so generous to let us stay with him for a month before we closed on our house (including our crazy new puppy, in the last few days of our time there). He has been constantly supportive, constantly there for me. Even though in my childhood I only saw him on the weekends, due to my parents' divorce when I was just three years old, I always knew I could count on him, that there was no replacing him. I loved my mom's second husband, but he was not my dad. I love my mom's current husband, but he is not my dad. I have a dad. I love my dad. Without his influence and encouragement, I would not have made it in Colorado when I moved after high school. I would not have finished college and gone on to finish grad school. I would not have had gotten in contact with a friend of his who works for the same company I do now and been able to find my job. Even at my ripe old age of 28, I cannot imagine my life without my dad.
The kind of relationship I have with my dad is the kind I envisioned for our daughter to have with Jim. It's such a beautiful relationship, and I know that Jim would have been so very loving, but not spoiling, to our daughter, the same way my dad always was with my sister and me. I know how much my dad loves my sister's kids, and it kills me that he doesn't get to love on my daughter the same way he loves on the other little ones. I know that someday, no matter how we become parents again, he will love our kids beyond any measure.
So, on Father's Day, I want to wish my dad a Happy Father's Day. You are so much more than I ever could have dreamed a father could be.
And to my amazing husband, thank you for being the father of my child, for promising to stay with me forever, for loving our daughter and mourning her by my side, and for loving the idea of our future children along with me. I could never have dreamed of a better partner in life than you.
Happy Father's Day to all of you men out there - both fathers today and those who are expecting, and those who will eventually be fathers.
Happy Father's Day to David, the best dad I could ever have dreamed of, the man who taught me how to reach my goals, how to love, what a man should be like, how to change a tire, great work ethic, the value of a bad joke, and so much more. You are a wonderful, wonderful father, and I am so proud to be your daughter!
Happy Father's Day to Bob, the man who makes my mom happier than I've seen her in my whole life.
Happy Father's Day to Joe, the man who gave my husband his analytical mind, who makes him laugh, who encourages him to reach for his dreams and who helps him along the way. I'm so glad he loves you so much, because I do, too!
Happy Father's Day to Terry, the man who raised my husband, taught him what it means to be a man, instilled in him a love for the outdoors and sports, helped him find Christ, and helps to make him strive to be strong.
Happy Father's Day to Papa, the most loving and toughest man I know, the only grandfather with whom I've ever had a relationship, a man who has been proud of me for my whole life, and who loved my mom when she didn't have parents. Thank you for helping me find Christ and for loving my Nanny so very much for her whole life. You helped me to see what a loving and wonderful marriage should look like.
Happy Father's Day to Larry, who took my husband under his wing, gave him a place to stay before we got married, made me a part of your family, and has been a consistent part of our lives. I'm so honored to know you, sarcasm and all!
Today has been a tough day. There was a baby dedication at church, the first that I've been able to sit through. As I looked at the beautiful boy who was being dedicated, knowing our Angel would have been just a month younger than he, I realized that the further we get in the year, the closer to Angel's would-have-been, should-have-been age the children will get. It was tough. I cried silently the whole time. Jim shed a few tears of his own. My wonderful friend, Vera, gave me a big hug and said simply, "It sucks." She acknowledged that it probably won't get easier, even though she wished she could tell us it would. I told her it still hasn't gotten easier, it's just gotten different and that's all we can expect.
Today, on Father's Day, I want to celebrate the father of my child, my own father, and the love that they have both taught me. The men listed above mean so much to my life. They are my husband, my dad, my step-dad, my father-in-law, Jim's step-dad, my grandfather, and a man who has been a guide and strong male figure for much of Jim's life, from adolescence on. It's because of these men that I have faith in parenthood, I have love in my life, I have a wonderful husband and I have hope for my future, and for any sons we may someday raise. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that these men will be a wonderful influence throughout my life and in the lives of my children. All of them loved Angel and mourned her with us.
I was always a daddy's girl, and I called my dad "Daddy" into adulthood. My dad was always a rock in my life, a stronghold, someone I knew without any hesitation would be there for me every step of the day. When I had to make the call from Japan to tell him that Angel had died, it was tortuous to hear the sadness in his voice, to hear the immediate tears. When my grandma, his mom, told me how devastated he was by the news, that he showed up at her house with tears streaming down his face, I was so sad for him. But never did he take our grief and make it about him; he was simply supportive. He was willing to fly to Japan, or to help pay for my sister to get there as soon as possible. He was ready to get Jim and me on a plane home as soon as he could. He was so generous to let us stay with him for a month before we closed on our house (including our crazy new puppy, in the last few days of our time there). He has been constantly supportive, constantly there for me. Even though in my childhood I only saw him on the weekends, due to my parents' divorce when I was just three years old, I always knew I could count on him, that there was no replacing him. I loved my mom's second husband, but he was not my dad. I love my mom's current husband, but he is not my dad. I have a dad. I love my dad. Without his influence and encouragement, I would not have made it in Colorado when I moved after high school. I would not have finished college and gone on to finish grad school. I would not have had gotten in contact with a friend of his who works for the same company I do now and been able to find my job. Even at my ripe old age of 28, I cannot imagine my life without my dad.
The kind of relationship I have with my dad is the kind I envisioned for our daughter to have with Jim. It's such a beautiful relationship, and I know that Jim would have been so very loving, but not spoiling, to our daughter, the same way my dad always was with my sister and me. I know how much my dad loves my sister's kids, and it kills me that he doesn't get to love on my daughter the same way he loves on the other little ones. I know that someday, no matter how we become parents again, he will love our kids beyond any measure.
So, on Father's Day, I want to wish my dad a Happy Father's Day. You are so much more than I ever could have dreamed a father could be.
And to my amazing husband, thank you for being the father of my child, for promising to stay with me forever, for loving our daughter and mourning her by my side, and for loving the idea of our future children along with me. I could never have dreamed of a better partner in life than you.
Happy Father's Day to all of you men out there - both fathers today and those who are expecting, and those who will eventually be fathers.
domingo, 13 de junio de 2010
Our wonderful zoo
Well, our house feels like a zoo sometimes, with our 90 lbs worth of dogs and our sweet but whiny kitty. Moments like right now, when they're all asleep and calm makes me so thankful that we have them. And when they're crazy? We still love them.
Sakana fell down yesterday, off of a high shelf, and we aren't sure what happened, or where she landed, but I heard a big crash and then her whining and she's been limping around ever since. We aren't sure if she broke her arm or not, but the vet told us to watch her, take her to the pet ER if it seemed to get worse, or bring her in Monday to his office if it didn't seem to be getting better.
Rubeus dug a really good hole in the backyard that allows him to escape into the front yard. We found this out when we were at the dining room table and Jim looked up to see our sweet puppy on the front porch. Jim filled the hole up and then he dug out again. Crazy mutt! So now, until we figure out what to do, one of us has to go out to the yard with the dogs when they take a bathroom break.
Raisele has been a chewing machine, and has managed to chew holes in three out of four of our throw blankets, and consistently pulls the blankets out of and off of hers and Rubeus's crates to take into the living room. She also has been rebelling from eating, and we've had her more than a month now and can still see her ribs! She just would rather play or run around than eat. She'll not eat very much for several days on end and then eat like she's starving for a few days and then repeat the cycle. She's so weird.
As far as everything else, things are all pretty much the same. We're doing okay, grief-wise, and confident that time helps to heal wounds, even though we don't think we'll ever fully get over the loss of our girl. Jim's computer business seems to be starting to take off, and he's been busy with projects every day, all day long. He's taking Spanish this summer, and is in class five days a week. He's studying hard and working hard and is very happy to be a civilian. Life moves on, day-by-day.
I'll leave you with links to a couple of pictures of our crazy pets.
Raisele loves to play in the mud!
Rubeus likes to have as many toys near him as possible.
Sakana lies in weird positions, but seems to be comfortable.
We love our pets!
Tara
Sakana fell down yesterday, off of a high shelf, and we aren't sure what happened, or where she landed, but I heard a big crash and then her whining and she's been limping around ever since. We aren't sure if she broke her arm or not, but the vet told us to watch her, take her to the pet ER if it seemed to get worse, or bring her in Monday to his office if it didn't seem to be getting better.
Rubeus dug a really good hole in the backyard that allows him to escape into the front yard. We found this out when we were at the dining room table and Jim looked up to see our sweet puppy on the front porch. Jim filled the hole up and then he dug out again. Crazy mutt! So now, until we figure out what to do, one of us has to go out to the yard with the dogs when they take a bathroom break.
Raisele has been a chewing machine, and has managed to chew holes in three out of four of our throw blankets, and consistently pulls the blankets out of and off of hers and Rubeus's crates to take into the living room. She also has been rebelling from eating, and we've had her more than a month now and can still see her ribs! She just would rather play or run around than eat. She'll not eat very much for several days on end and then eat like she's starving for a few days and then repeat the cycle. She's so weird.
As far as everything else, things are all pretty much the same. We're doing okay, grief-wise, and confident that time helps to heal wounds, even though we don't think we'll ever fully get over the loss of our girl. Jim's computer business seems to be starting to take off, and he's been busy with projects every day, all day long. He's taking Spanish this summer, and is in class five days a week. He's studying hard and working hard and is very happy to be a civilian. Life moves on, day-by-day.
I'll leave you with links to a couple of pictures of our crazy pets.
Raisele loves to play in the mud!
Rubeus likes to have as many toys near him as possible.
Sakana lies in weird positions, but seems to be comfortable.
We love our pets!
Tara
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